In A World In Which I Break Up With Poetry

by Madelyne Rose Sosa

What if I stopped being a poet

What if I started caring when my fingers got calloused

And called what I do less of a passion

Or something which I would rot from within should I ever quit

And began saying it was easily something I could do without

What if I told myself I only write when I need to pass time

And could look at someone without thinking about how their eyes remind me of something like

My first cup of coffee in the morning

Or simply let myself be held instead of thinking about how this moment could only be described as me melting into him

As though I were honey being poured into a hot cup of tea

What if I started speaking Spanish just as a language

Stopped hearing how there seems to be a hidden love letter en cada palabra

What if I didn’t fall in love with every goddamn thing

And didn’t see even the littlest of things as poetry in motion

I would start describing myself through the jobs I do

Reach for a dream that people don’t roll their eyes at

I’ll sound logical and put together

Like a perfect, sensible Latina daughter

Who speaks pristine Spanish and maybe even goes to mass on Sunday’s

I’ll read books just to read them

Feel no envy when I read something really good because I no longer wish I would’ve wrote that first

I’ll convince myself that breaking up with writing was the best decision I ever made

Swear I don’t miss the once love of my life

Now most wretched ex of mine

I’d tell myself I was happier without it

Happier without late nights editing and tornadoes of messy ideas and thoughts within my head

Happier without magic happening when I finally give in to mis sentimientos and turn them into writing

Happier without lighting bolts jumping from my fingertips as I press keys

And seeing mosaics in the smeared ink on the sides of my hand

What if I lived a life

Without writer’s block and constant doubt

Identity crises and wondering if I’m really truly good

Or just good enough

What if I walked away from who I am

Stepped into a new soul

Lived my worst nightmare and called it home-

Began to exist in a world in which I was never a poet or anything of the like

One in which I don’t have a dream crazy enough to be both the best and worst part of me

What if I told myself the greatest lie of all

And tried to believe it

Madelyne Rose Sosa is a Los Angeles born, Wisconsin based poet, cat mom, and bibliophile. Her writing showcases everything from love to politics and has been featured in zines such as Sumou and Guided Mag.